Generation to Generation

Generation to Generation

It’s Complicated: Family as a Means of Grace - Part 5
June 1, 2025
Deuteronomy 6:1-9

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your strength. These words that I am commanding you today must always be on your minds. Recite them to your children. Talk about them when you are sitting around your house and when you are out and about, when you are lying down and when you are getting up.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

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At first glance, I’d say I didn’t inherit much from my family when it comes to faith.  We went to church, but never talked about it at home.  Yet, looking back, I realize that without my grandmother’s quiet and steady faith, I probably would not be a Christian at all. 

Like my parents, she rarely spoke about faith out loud.  But she was a devout Catholic, raising five children in the church even though her husband never attended.  She prayed faithfully every day — perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever known.  I didn’t learn about her prayer corner until after our daughter was born.  She sat there daily, praying for every member of her family by name, all the way down to the great grandchildren whose names I don’t even know. 

I’m sad to admit that early in my overzealous Baptist years, I was convinced by the church that Catholics couldn’t be “saved,” and I worried about Gram’s salvation.  She always dreamed of one of her grandsons becoming a priest, and I was her last hope.  I shattered that when, in 6th grade, I convinced my parents to join the Baptist church.

Years later, after I became a pastor and she met my wife, she was deeply grateful.  Not only was her lifelong prayer answered by having a minister in the family, but she also cherished gaining a new granddaughter-in-law and great-granddaughter.  She saw God’s faithfulness in my life even if it didn’t look the way she expected.

Faith doesn’t always get passed down through perfect teaching or clear conversations. Sometimes it comes through presence — through someone showing up, holding space, or quietly living a life centered on God. That kind of faith may not look impressive, but it plants deep roots.

As Moses shaped a new people out of those freed from Egypt, God gave them a commandment that Jeus would later call the greatest: to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.  He said, “Talk about these things when you are sitting around your house and when you are out and about, when you are lying down and when you are getting up.”

My family didn’t exactly do that, at least not out loud.  But in her own way, my grandmother did.  She spoke about it through her prayers, long before I even understood or appreciated what she was doing.  She modeled it every time she took me to the church to light a candle for someone who was sick and every time she went to the nursing home to take communion to someone. 

And most of all, she spoke about it through her unconditional love.  She was deeply hurt when I left the Catholic church.  Yet even when I foolishly tried to convert her to a faith she already understood more deeply than I did, she never stopped loving me.

It’s not always obvious, but God’s love does reach down to us from generation to generation. 

Where can you see it in your family line?

The Gift of Submission

Submit to One Another

It’s Complicated: Family as a Means of Grace - Part 4
May 25, 2025
Ephesians 5:20-6:4

Always give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; and submit to each other out of respect for Christ. 

Ephesians 5:20-21

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Paul’s instructions for Christian households can be a hornet’s nest for bad interpretation and abuse.

In the evangelical church where I spent my teenage years, I often heard Ephesians 5:22 and 6:1 quoted — “Wives submit to your husbands” and “Children, obey your parents.” What’s ironic is how rarely we heard verses like 5:25 or 6:4 — “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church” and “Parents, don’t provoke your children to anger.” And even less proclaimed were the verses that introduce the entire section: “Submit to each other out of respect for Christ.”

That mutual submission sets the tone for everything that follows. Yet historically, many faith communities have twisted these verses to uphold hierarchies of control — where men dominate, women disappear into the background, and children are to be seen but not heard.

In Jesus and John Wayne, historian Kristin Kobes DuMez describes the cultural fascination with domineering, militant masculinity.  Like John Wayne, they are men who “sit tall in the saddle, who are not afraid to resort to violence to bring order, and who won’t let political correctness get in the way of saying what has to be said or the norms of democratic society keep them from doing what needs to be done.” 

Such “alpha-males” don’t show weakness, they “protect” with power, and they rarely make room for those who don’t fit the mold. One man with a physical disability said he felt there was no place for him in  evangelicalism because he wasn’t a “sports or hunting fanatic.” I’ve felt that too. At one church I served, the men told me they couldn’t respect me because I didn’t own a gun. Apparently, not owning one meant I wasn’t a “biblical man” because in their words, I “was refusing to protect my family.”

The sad irony is that many churches preach these roles as biblical while ignoring the harm they can cause. I've seen men praised for “leading” while acting more like bullies. I've watched women, outwardly submissive, quietly manipulate and control everything behind the scenes in a dynamic that only pretends to honor Scripture. And far too often, these façades have hidden emotional manipulation, spiritual neglect, and even abuse.

Children grow up believing they are either invisible or inherently flawed, because their needs and voices are rarely valued.  When I was a youth pastor, I had two 6th grade girls ask me, “If you had kids, would you talk to them?”  Their pain was deeply felt as most of the adults in their lives completely ignored their existence.

When our family systems are built on control instead of Christlike love, everyone loses.

So what if we stopped asking who’s in charge and started asking who needs to be seen, heard, and loved?

To follow Christ is to dismantle power plays and choose the harder way: honoring one another as beloved members of God’s family. This is the kind of household is bound together by grace, where mutual love and surrendering our will and desires to the needs of one another builds something truly holy.

It's Complicated

It's Complicated

It’s Complicated: Family as a Means of Grace - Part 3
May 18, 2025
John 14:1-4, Romans 12:9-18

My Father’s house has room to spare. If that weren’t the case, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you?      

John 14:1-7

Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good.  Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other.

Romans 12:9-10

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In our Father’s house, there are many rooms — and together, we are learning how to live as one.

I grew up with a very different understanding of this passage. I was taught the King James Version, which says there are many “mansions.” I never thought to ask how multiple mansions could exist inside one house, but the image I held was highly individualistic and luxurious. Then I went to seminary and studied under Old Testament scholar and archaeologist Dr. Sandra Richter, who introduced us to the ancient 4-room pillared houses of ancient Israel known as the bet’ab — the “Father’s house.” This, it turns out, is the term Jesus uses when describing the place he is preparing.

The bet’ab was not a mansion, nor was it a space of private luxury. It included shared family living spaces, a combined reception room and kitchen, and small  sleeping areas often located on the upper level. In Israel’s patriarchal culture, the oldest living male was the head of the household, which included his sons, their wives, extended relatives, and sometimes servants. Much of the living and cooking took place outdoors, with rooms arranged around a central courtyard. Resources were shared, and everyone contributed to the needs of the household and wider community.

So what does this have to do with Jesus and his promise of heaven?

I’m glad you asked.

For Jesus, salvation is not some escapist dream of heavenly mansions and golden streets. It’s about a communal sense of belonging. In Christ, we are adopted into God's family, and we are given a place in the bet’ab — God’s household. 

But belonging to a household carries responsibilities. Children — biological or adopted — are expected to participate fully in the life of the family. Yes, they receive the blessings and love that come with being part of the family, knowing all their needs will be met. But they are also expected to contribute, to discover and use their gifts for the good of the entire household.

Family life, of course, is complicated. We don’t always get along, and sometimes those closest to us bear the brunt of our worst days. Siblings, in particular, can be highly competitive.

Life teaches us what it means to be part of a family — the human family, God’s family. As Paul writes to the Romans: “Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other.”

May this be our greatest competition in life: to outdo one another in showing honor and love. In a world that often rewards pride, power, or personal gain, what if we became known for something else entirely — a radical, joyful commitment to building each other up? That’s the kind of family Christ invites us to be.

Nurturing Faith

Nurturing Faith

It’s Complicated: Family as a Means of Grace - Part 2
May 11, 2025
2 Timothy 1:3-7

I’m reminded of your authentic faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. I’m sure that this faith is also inside you. Because of this, I’m reminding you to revive God’s gift that is in you… God didn’t give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled.                         

2 Timothy 1:5-7

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Let’s be honest — families can be complicated. While many experience love and support at home, others carry deep wounds from strained, broken, or absent relationships. Even strong families often have dynamics that are difficult or painful. Some, like my own, find deeper connection with adopted or chosen families who walk with us more closely than blood relatives.

Yet phrases like “blood is thicker than water” can still haunt us, often used to shame or guilt those whose biological ties fall short. But the original version of that phrase — dating back to 12th-century Germany —  actually reads: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It referred to bonds formed between soldiers in battle, calling for a loyalty  deeper than even that of a brother. Jesus suggests  a similar idea when he asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” and answered his own question by pointing to those who do God’s will (Mark 3:33–35).

For Timothy, we see a beautiful legacy of faith passed down through his mother and grandmother. We give thanks for families like these who nurture faith and encourage the next generation. But for those who did not inherit such a legacy — or whose families have been a source of pain — the church must be a refuge, not a source of guilt or shame.

We also recognize that mothering is not limited to biology. Scripture is full of women who nurtured faith in others — Deborah, Ruth, Hannah, Mary, Priscilla — and countless unnamed women who formed and sustained the early church. Many in our own communities offer that same care: Sunday school teachers, youth mentors, spiritual directors, neighbors, and friends. To mother someone is to invest, to guide, to love sacrificially and that calling belongs to many.

In Christ, the Spirit forms a new family — a covenant community where belonging is not based on DNA but on grace. Biological families can be a beautiful part of that, but so can those formed by friendship, faith, or shared struggle. The so-called “ideal family” of mid-20th-century America was always more myth than reality. Today’s families are as diverse as the people who form them: single parents, co-parents, blended households, chosen families, and those who are single by choice or circumstance. All of them matter.

The church is called to be a the kind of family people may have missed elsewhere — a place of welcome, healing, and hope. When we show up for each other in times of loss and celebration, when we speak truth in love, when we pass on wisdom or offer a listening ear, we become spiritual kin. In a world that often isolates, the family of God is meant to embrace.

On this Mother’s Day, we honor the women who lead and love — mothers, grandmothers, mentors, spiritual mothers, and faithful friends. And we reaffirm our calling as the household of God, where every family has a place, and no one walks alone. In our Father’s house, there are many rooms—and together, we are learning how to live as one.

Thank you for following my sermon blog here at “Echo”. For deeper reflections on God and faith in everyday life, be sure to subscribe to my new Substack - “Reflections of Something”. Hope to see you there!